


Young God

by thehelldoievenputhere



Category: Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Female Loki (Marvel), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-08-28 09:49:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16721070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehelldoievenputhere/pseuds/thehelldoievenputhere
Summary: After Thanos killed Loki, he—she somehow travelled in time to Asgard before it started conquering the realms.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Halsey song

Loki opened his eyes and looked around. Why—how was he alive? Thanos had killed him. He remembered his neck being crushed by that abominable gauntlet—not a memory he particularly wanted to experience again. So why was he alive?

He could see around him a forest of birch. It reminded him of the grove to which he had often disappeared to when he was younger and wanted to get away from everything. The intrinsic magic that was about felt similar, too. Almost identical, in fact, the only difference was it didn't feel quite so ancient.

Feeling confident enough that there was no one around to see him move, Loki sat up. The first thing he noticed was his body felt different than usual. He looked down and found he was in a female body rather than his usual male one.

Loki was a natural shapeshifter and this was the first form he could change into and had remained the easiest throughout his life. Despite that, it was one he used least. He had learnt early on that Asgardians distrusted magic when used for anything other than domestic labour, and as such it became known as a woman's craft. Loki had already been ridiculed for practising it, but when it had become known that Loki could take a woman's form, the Asgardians outright demeaned him. And so Loki stopped transforming into her. He had sometimes woken up feeling more like a her, but he didn't change. Asgardians were stubborn in their ways and did not often change their minds.

Once he had reoriented himself with his—her body, Loki stood up. She was shorter in this body, but not by much. She was still the same person, after all.

She walked over to, and lay her palm upon, the closest birch tree. She could feel the magic swirling within it reaching out to her, strengthening her, and she murmured a thanks to the spirit within it. Her magic had always felt more in tune with birch trees than any other living thing.

Feeling stronger, she shifted to her male form. Except she didn't shift. _Why couldn't she shift?_  Maybe it was just her male form she couldn't shift into. She tried her other forms. _All_  her other forms. She was not able to shift into a single one of them. She could not even access her true jötun form.

She only realised she was shaking when she had to blink tears out of her eyes. She realised she wasn't breathing, either, and took a stuttering breath in. This wasn't good. She had to calm down, had to think. Why... Why couldn't she shift? She had never had this problem before.

As she breathed out, she extended her senses to feel for any reason. There was no foreign seiðr surrounding her. There were no binds on her body, no runes. Her mind was untouched. But her spirit...

Her spirit, where her seiðr was, had a dam blocking part of it, siphoning off her seiðr, in the spot where her shifting ability lived.

She reached out to poke at it, to see how it was there, when the sound of a horse's hooves approaching broke her out of her trance.

She opened her eyes to see—a _young_  Odin sitting astride a normal, 4-legged horse.

"Who are you?" The question was a command, demanding she answer _now_. "What are you doing here?"

"Apologies, but I am not entirely certain where I am. I seem to have gotten a little lost." The meeker she seemed, the less suspicious Odin would be of her—hopefully.

"You are on Asgard, and I am Odin Borsson, King of Asgard, and Allfather." He pointed Gungnir at her. "Who are you. What are you doing here." This was not the Odin from her childhood; perhaps it was the one from Hela's.

"I am known as Svea, Your Highness—" she would be now—"and I am uncertain as to how I came to be here, I just awoke and found myself in this little clearing." Odin frowned and stared at her, seeming to debate whether or not Loki was telling the truth. Odin, as the god of wisdom, had always had a particular knack for sensing lies, but Loki, as the god of lies, had a particular knack for lying. But then, perhaps this Odin was not as astute as the one she had known.

Odin nodded. "You may accompany me back to the castle." With a final glance at Loki, he turned his horse around and set off. Loki followed.

Upon reaching the city, Loki was surprised how different it looked for something which had always seemed so eternal.

It was smaller than it had been before—would be? And there was much more forest surrounding it. Also missing was the so-called impenetrable wall surrounding the city. Loki had learnt how to get past it from either side before she had even been an age the Midgardians would consider 'teenaged'. She hadn't told anyone, of course, how else would she have gotten to her favourite grove with such ease?

The further they travelled, the more unnerved Loki became. At first she couldn't pinpoint it, but then she caught Odin turn to face forwards. Odin was watching her. The obvious explanation would be a king wary of a stranger, especially one turning up unannounced, but what Loki felt was definitely more than such general wariness directed towards her—she knew precisely how that felt, it had been directed towards her—a _lot_  during her life. This was something she had felt less than a handful of times, mostly when she was in this form. She had never figured out exactly what it was, but she had her theories. Now, she hoped she was wrong. She was much more vulnerable than she was used to. She was in what was essentially a strange land, with barely any pertinent knowledge, and her seiðr was partially restricted. If she _was_  right...

But this was _Odin_. He wouldn't do that. He _couldn't_  do that.

As they passed through the village, Loki kept her head down, not wanting to see the stares she knew the villagers would be giving her.

The villagers parted to let them—Odin—through, Odin giving a few nods here and there, so it didn't take long to get out. As they reached the palace—although right now it seemed more of a castle—Loki noted how different it was. It was far smaller and built of stone rather than gold. And there were gates they had to pass through. Once they had closed behind them, Odin dismounted and handed the reins to a waiting servant, who started to lead the horse away.

Odin turned to her and spoke. "It is not so often there are unexpected visitors here. Come, let me show you around."

Odin showed Loki around the castle, and asked her questions of how she came to be here. Loki remained as close to the truth as possible. Odin, though, was not happy with her answers. It was clear he did not appreciate how vague she was being or believe she was saying the truth. That did not matter to Loki, though. All she needed was for him to allow her to stay in the castle for the night, and she would be able to formulate a plan on what to do next. She knew the passages between realms. She would be able to think of some way to deal with her situation, even if it ended up not being the ideal solution.

So Loki answered Odin's questions, and smiled at his suspicion. He may not believe her, but she could charm him to allow one night's rest—it was late, after all, and no time for a woman to be out alone, not so close to sunset. She despised that sentiment, but she could see Odin believed it. He believed that she, as a woman, would be unable to defend herself were anything to happen to her. She didn't want to prove him wrong—it was to her advantage, no matter how it made her feel.

It _was_  late, Odin had been out for his after-dinner ride, apparently, when he had happened upon her, so he called upon a servant to show her to a room and bring up any food if she required it, then bid her goodnight.

Loki followed the servant—not one she recognised from her childhood, although that was hardly a surprise—to a room in the guest wing of the castle and acquiesced that some food would be much appreciated, thanks. The servant left with a bow and then Loki sat down in the chair provided. It was hard and uncomfortable, but it would not do to eat while lying in bed.

 ***

Later, after she had eaten her fill, Loki lay in the bed, thinking. When Thanos had snapped her neck she had travelled back in time to, she thought, before Asgard had conquered a single realm. She didn't know how, she didn't know why, and she didn't have full access to her seiðr.

She was lying on her back, arms crossed under her head, staring at the ceiling. She had to do something, she wasn't good at doing nothing, unless she had a plan to wait for. What could she do? And if she did anything, would she change... the future?

Before she could get too deep in the spiral of those thoughts, the door opened. Loki sat up, glad she had not yet taken her clothes off. It was Odin. He stepped in and closed the door behind him. What was he doing?

"I know your type, _Svea—_ " What?—"Using your looks to garner favour everywhere you go." Loki stood up.

"I don't know wh—" Odin shushed her and laughed.

"What is it with women who wear trousers thinking they're so much better than everyone else?" He reached for the front of her trousers. Loki lashed out with her seiðr—

To fall to the ground, barely quieting her screams.

"Of course you have _magic_." He spat the word, he manhandling her onto the bed. She was blinded by the pain; she couldn't see a thing. "The castle is warded against any _magic_ , especially against me." He was taking her top off. She couldn't use her seiðr. "Huh. Bigger than they looked before." He grabbed her breast, hard, fingers digging in—she barely felt it. This was Odin. "You can't hurt me." He grabbed her wrists and bound them to the headboard. _Odin_. "Let's see what's down here." He pulled her trousers off. Her _father_. He ran his fingers over her vulva. She shuddered. Then he jabbed them in. She _screamed_ , arching off the bed. "Tight. Good." He took his fingers out and undid his trousers and—

She stopped thinking and cried.

 


	2. Chapter 2

After... When Odin had left, Loki cried. She cried and she cried and she cried. She couldn't stop crying. She should have felt pathetic with how much she was crying, but she just felt... _dirty_. Disgusting. Used. Some _thing_  not worthy of anything resembling humanity. Odin had—a sob dragged its way out of her throat. Odin had... had lain with her. Odin had forced her. Odin had— _raped_  her. She had done nothing. She hadn't fought back—not really—she had used seiðr—not that it worked—but she wasn't defenceless without it. She had made sure of that. She had let Odin—she had _let_  him. Someone whom she had seen as a father and she had _let_  him...

She cried. She cried until her eyes were dry and the tear tracks running down her face were drying and pinching her face tighter, her eyelashes sticking together. She cried until her body couldn't cry anymore. Then she lay there, motionless. She lay there, curled up in a ball under the covers in the bed that wasn't _hers_ , in the bed she had been _raped_  in and...

Her mind was empty. She couldn't cry, couldn't think, couldn't sleep. She just lay there. She lay there until she saw the first rays of sun enter her room. She lay there was a knock at the door.

She twitched. There was another knock. Loki rubbed her face face on the covers and sat up, clutching the covers to her chest.

"Come in." Her voice sounded wrecked, _broken_ , even to her. A servant poked their head through the door.

"Ma'am, my liege bade for you to attend breakfast in the Great Hall. He said to allow for no excuses but to provide you with a fitting outfit first." Loki nearly choked out a laugh—but years of suppressing any outward sign of her emotions thwarted it.

"I do rather require clothing, I must admit." Her voice was rough, throat sore from the hours of crying Odin had reduced her to. The servant paid no notice to it, for which Loki was grateful.

"Of course, ma'am. I shall endeavour to find some clothes which will fit—though it may take a while, as there are not many blessed with your figure." The servant left, leaving Loki feeling somehow hollower than she had before. _Blessed_? If not for her figure, then maybe Odin wouldn't have violated her. Although, it seemed like Odin was going to pretend that he hadn't. Like she was just another guest in the castle. That was... fine. She could act, too. Pretend like everything was fine, like she hadn't had her heat ripped out and the rest of her insides set on fire by Odin when he had forced her. She could act. She was a woman now, anyway. Odin hadn't seemed much about equality, even before. All that would be expected of her would be to sit there and smile, while listening to Odin talk. She would barely have to do anything. She could do it.

The servant returned a short while later with a pleated under-dress and a blue strap dress. Loki put them on and plaited her hair. She left the minimal safety of the room she had stayed in and let the servant lead her to the Great Hall.

Odin was the only person in the Great Hall when she got there. He smirked at her. She swallowed. She would have to sit alone in a room with Odin, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was trapped. The door slamming closed behind her only intensified the feeling. She breathed, to try and steady her nerves, so she wouldn't break down in front of him—she couldn't—not after he'd—he couldn't see her break. She walked over to the table and when she tried to leave some space between her and Odin, he spoke up.

"Come, now. You are a welcome guest, there is no need to act shy. Come sit here." He gestured to the seat directly to his left with that same smug smirk on his face. Loki smiled—he couldn't see her break—and sat down next to him. Odin invaded her space immediately, placing his hand on top of hers. She didn't flinch. He couldn't see her break. He couldn't see what he had reduced her to, couldn't see her broken. "How did you sleep?"

"Well, thank you, and you?" She could be polite. She had been raised as a prince, even if it had all been a lie.

"Excellently, if I do say so myself. I sleep rather well after a little bit of exercise. Tires me out, you see." Loki shuddered. She couldn't help herself. Odin laughed. It was loud and booming and pulled her insides apart. _He found her distress funny_. He was laughing at her. _He was laughing at her_. She almost threw up. "Is something wrong, my dear?" Loki froze. That was what Odin had called Frigga—her _mother_. "Is something wrong, my dear?" Again. He'd called her that _again_. He'd raped her and he thought he was entitled to call her a pet name— _any_  pet name, let alone _that_  one. She could feel it inside. Where she had been empty since she had run out of tears, a heat started boiling over, filling her being, her every nerve flickering at the anger—the rage—that had come out of nowhere. Her back straightened and she pushed her shoulders back. She raised her head and looked Odin right in the eyes as she said,

"What did you just call me?" Her voice was low as she enunciated every word. Odin drew back a bit, clearly not having expected such a reaction—possibly any reaction, but it was only for a moment. Then his smirk was back.

"I called you my dear. Is that not your preferred endearment? Would you prefer my sweet?" And like that, the fight fled Loki. She slumped into her seat and had to blink away tears so she wouldn't cry in front of Odin. He couldn't see she was broken. Odin laughed again, softer than before, but this one was a knife, sunk into her abdomen and twisted before being dragged out slowly, serrated edge tearing through her skin like she was an elk being gutted. It didn't matter. He knew she was broken. And he laughed about it. "Digressing, what would you like to eat, my dear?" He had won—and he knew it. Loki glanced up at the table, but nothing looked more than if it had all been rotten and mouldy.

"I am quite alright, thank you." Her voice was soft, the fight she had given up and lost, absent. "I am not feeling very hungry."

"Nonsense, my dear, you must eat. We can't have you losing any weight, you barely look healthy as you are." She didn't flinch. "I wouldn't want you getting pregnant with how little meat is on your bones, now." She flinched. Odin had raped her and now he was thinking of her, bearing children. He wanted her pregnant. He had raped her, and he could do it again.


	3. Chapter 3

After she had eaten, Odin refused to allow her to leave. He used her hand to pull her closer then put his arm around her waist and pulled her as close as physically possible. He took her on a 'tour' of the castle, but he clearly had other priorities. He kept her pressed close to his side throughout, and most of his commentary was murmured directly into her ear.

The crawling of her skin abated for a moment when Odin took her to his private wing. Royals would never allow a guest into their private chambers, it was a matter of security. Then, her skin wasn't crawling, it was running, as Odin opened a door hidden behind a tapestry and pushed her in before him. There was a thin mattress on a metal frame that had shackles attached to the corners. She span and tried to get passed Odin and out the door, but she couldn't. She ducked and she kicked and she clawed, but Odin still stood in the way. He grabbed at her wrist and held fast as he pulled her over to the bed and shackled it. She clawed at it, she couldn't let him do this again, she wasn't this defenceless as to let him, she _wasn't_ , she couldn't let him, she couldn't let him lock her up, she was better than this—

"Don't hurt yourself, my dear," Odin grabbed hold of her hand, the one which, she realised faintly, had drawn blood from her clawing, "There's no need to worry, I won't hurt you." He leered as he shackled her other wrist, the clang of metal locking her fate in. But that didn't mean she would make it easy for him.

As he moved to cuff her ankles, she kicked out at him and caught his hip. He froze, for a millisecond, then Loki trembled as he growled, teeth bared. _She'd made him mad_.

He grabbed her ankle, and _pulled_ , until her shoulders clicked and she cried out from the pain. He backhanded her, ring cutting a stinging line across her cheek.

"Thought you could get away with that, did you, wench?" He covered her neck with his hand, and _pushed_. Loki gasped, mind filled with _Thanos_  and the gauntlet around his throat as his neck was snapped. Thanos after he had let go of Thor and fallen off the bifrost, Thanos when he had _tortured_  him, with heat, with sleep deprivation, with isolation, left alone with his thoughts, thoughts of betrayal, thoughts of treachery, thoughts of greatness, how Odin had taken it all away.

And she fumed. Below her skin, her seiðr roiled in disgust. She felt it spark across her nerves, rush throughout her body, and sizzle just out of reach. For all she could feel it, she still couldn't _use_  it. So she seethed. As Odin penetrated her once again, she hated. As Odin thrust in and out, she despised. As he finished and pulled out, she _loathed_.

Odin left, and still she lay there, fuming. She glared up at the ceiling, _hating_  how it had always been men in her life who had left her feeling third-rate, who had left her grasping for power that all her attempts at grasping had backfired. And she began to plot. She would see the downfall of all the men who had hurt her, who had degraded her, who had violated her. She would see to it that they all fell, every single one, and that none would _ever_  be honoured. She would tear them down, and she would destroy any chance of legacy. With the beginnings of a plan, she lay, and as she looked up at the ceiling, she smiled. And in her abdomen, her seiðr _burned_.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want more, please nag me, I want more, too  
> (feel free to point out any mistakes/typos)


End file.
